J. Doll DeCastro ♥

The sound of one hand

2011-10-03T00:34:00.000-07:00

I usually have a tough time relaxing with a hectic schedule and trying to squeeze every moment of the week into all the things i want to do. While trying to find a story to read my husband so he could fall asleep before working on crew I came upon a pretty good one. He was having trouble falling asleep, but this one worked at getting him to relax. Something about it brings calm to my mind.

The master of Kennin temple was Mokurai, Silent Thunder. He had a little protégé named Toyo who was only twelve years old. Toyo saw the older disciples visit the master's room each morning and evening to receive instruction in sanzen or personal guidence in which they were given koans to stop mind-wandering.

Toyo wished to do sanzen also.

"Wait a while," said Mokurai. "You are too young."

But the child insisted, so the teacher finally consented.

In the evening little Toyo went at the proper time to the threshold of Mokurai's sanzen room. He struck the gong to announce his presence, bowed respectfully three times outside the door, and went to sit before the master in respectful silence.

"You can hear the sound of two hands when they clap together," said Mokurai. "Now show me the sound of one hand."

Toyo bowed and went to his room to consider this problem. From his window he could hear the music of the geishas. "Ah, I have it!" he proclaimed.

The next evening, when his teacher asked him to illustrate the sound of one hand, Toyo began to play the music of the geishas.

"No, no," said Mokurai. "That will never do. That is not the sound of one hand. You've not got it at all."

Thinking that such music might interrupt, Toyo moved his abode to a quiet place. He meditated again. "What can the sound of one hand be?" He happened to hear some water dripping. "I have it," imagined Toyo.

When he next appeared before his teacher, he imitated dripping water.

"What is that?" asked Mokurai. "That is the sound of dripping water, but not the sound of one hand. Try again."

In vain Toyo meditated to hear the sound of one hand. He heard the sighing of the wind. But the sound was rejected.

He heard the cry of an owl. This was also refused.

The sound of one hand was not the locusts.

For more than ten times Toyo visited Mokurai with different sounds. All were wrong. For almost a year he pondered what the sound of one hand might be.

At last Toyo entered true meditation and transcended all sounds. "I could collect no more," he explained later, "so I reached the soundless sound."

Toyo had realized the sound of one hand.

Too often we feel uncomfortable with silence, but there is something profound in the realization that your ears and mind have been freed of the over-stimulation of life. Before I sleep tonight I can feel the release because the soundless sound is the last thing that I hear before I fall asleep.

THE BEST VACATION OF MY LIFE

2011-09-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

I finally found the cable and got my photos loaded onto snapfish. Photos from our trip and my wedding included. I can't wait to get them all printed out. Hawaii will always be in my heart. I am truly blessed to have been able to take the trip and get married in Maui.

HAWAII 2011 ALBUM ♥

To Listen to you

2011-09-28T02:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to obtain the whole video on it, but here is a small clip of the video footage of our wedding. The waves kind of drown out most of the sound.

Married the love of my life

2011-09-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

September 6, 2011. A year to the day we become a couple. I am truly blessed.

♥ Mr. and Mrs. DeCastro ♥

♥ Wedding Album Link ♥

At the divine mercy

2011-01-23T11:21:00.001-08:00

Today at Church we witnessed something interesting.

and some pics from the weekend

my cutie cousin dale aka toshio

my adorable cousin chacha

my sis and cha

dad lol

momma san

my best friend and personal hero, alicia came to visit this weekend.

Overall, good weekend. Derek comes on Friday! yay!

so, what happened after i left?

2011-01-16T01:11:00.000-08:00

It's been almost a year since i've left california for bootcamp on february 16th and my life has kind of come around full circle. I'm back at my parents house on the weekends and I am stationed at Beale. I kiss the ground at my feet to be back in California and it feels good to be back home. But I guess the difference is, home doesn't change, but you do. I'm not the same person I left California as. I can feel it in the way I carry myself, I can feel it in the way I act around other people, I can feel it in the way I wake up in the morning. I am still the silly, odd fun person, but there is a certain seriousness and gravity that I feel. I feel like no matter what I do I have to be better, to get better and to be stronger. Maybe this was the drive that I lost in the endless studies of college. I had lost all practicality in my search of purpose. The feeling of insecurity in the next step has been lightened because for the next six years of my life it will be chosen for me. I am not sure on whether all the changes the military has made on me have been good or bad, but in actuality they are all made within a forward trajectory; thus they can't be all that bad.

goodbye for now

2010-02-15T13:46:00.000-08:00

hello everyone. i am off to bootcamp. i will be at lackland afb. i leave tomorrow afternoon. for anybody wanting to contact or write me, call 210-671-3024 for my mailing address, ask for airman jaimelle (jay-mel) dollaga.

it seems like time has flew by since i walked into the recruiter's office at the end of december. i got the call two weeks ago while on the way home from visiting andrew in socal. i got the job in military intelligence and i was told i would be leaving in two weeks for bootcamp. i have done my best to see my family and friends before leaving, but the time has come and my time is ticking away. soon i will make the change from civilian to airman. i will miss all my friends and family, but i hope to learn from this experience and move forward with my career in the military. i want to see a change in myself to become a person with discipline, strength, intelligence and integrity. staying at home will get me nowhere in life and its time to leave. i feel like a tiger trapped in a cage here. while i may not be taking the path in life that most people take, i feel like i can do this. people have told me it will be difficult, but i am strong enough physically and mentally. i am not afraid and i only hope to better myself.

nu, take care and be strong i love you very much. thank you for being my friend. i would not know where i would be without your love and support. you have been by my side through all my hardships and have always relied on you. i have always wanted a friend like you in my life. you are so beautiful, intelligent and your heart is bigger than anyone i have every met. i wish you luck in ur future and with andy.

haha grad buddies. yes, we had the same major hehe.

andrew, good luck with your internship, i love you and don't forget about me. i have never loved anybody the way i have loved you and i will never forget the times that we have shared. you are the only man to understand my heart. i wish you all the happiness possible in life. fate is bridge you build between you and the one you love. all the steps i am taking will someday lead back to you.

ryan, thank you for letting me vomit creativity with you and give me a chance to feel famous for once in my life. i am so inspired by ur vision and artistic inspiration. i know you will do great things in photography, your eye for beauty and talent will take you leaps and bounds into the fashion world.

to my sis, be good and i believe in you. don't let school or parental criticism get you down. you are the only person i know who always gets what they want. just be sure to give me some botox and laser resurfacing on my face when ur a dermatologist. to my parents, i love you both and thank you for everything. things are about to get interesting, lets see where the wind takes me...

V-day & Chinese New Year Madness Memories...

i drew andrew a picture for my vday present.

hehe even though i'm filipino i still get to celebrate chinese new year if i hang out with andrew yay!

(at chua lair)

♥
future Airman First Class Dollaga

Hanging out in SF with Ryan

2010-02-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

So I get a message from my recruiter that I have to obtain my transcripts before my DEP meeting this Thursday and I drove down to SFSU to get them. Stopped by my old workplace at the fitness center and chatted up the old coworkers. Seems like its still the status quo up there, but its nice that they are all still cool and hanging out. Afterwards, I went to go visit my favorite photographer of all time, Ryan. I got bored so i tidied up his room before we left for lunch haha.

haha hospital corners! gotta get ready for bootcamp

and of course the Ikea style display

So we ate Pho at this place near Andrew's parent's house in the sunset, which was great since i've been pho deprived since moving back to Sac with my parents. We had to pay for the parking meter and we didn't want to waste our quarters afterwards so Ryan snapped a couple shots on his point and shoot. Just messing around. I was seriously cracking up in most of the shots haha. Poor people in the sunset have to watch us act like fools haha. Oh well, at least I didn't waste my quarters in the parking meter.

When we got home we recorded a video for Andrew bc we were bored. Ryan has an HD recording flip and its pretty awesome. I want one of my own now! I suck at singing but I do it anyways. Just for fun, but dedicated to my very own Drew.

haha well its the thought that counts. I had so much fun hanging out with Ryan. I am really going to miss all my friends when I am away at bootcamp and tech school. But yea, I ship out on the 16th so I plan to make the most of the time I have left as a civilian.

haha we were chatting online tonight...
[10:05:06 PM] Jaime Dollaga: ur my hottest boyfriend ever
[10:05:14 PM] Jaime Dollaga: well besides alicia's nephew jayden
[10:05:20 PM] Jaime Dollaga: he will always be the cutest
[10:05:26 PM] Andrew: no offense to my past, but ur the hottest gf

HELL YES!!!

♥
Jaime

so.. what do YOU wanna know?

2010-01-28T19:54:00.000-08:00

haha me hamming it up with my lovely coworker

♥ RYAN CHUA I LOVE YOU!♥

Hi everyone, just wanted to say hi to all my readers and I just want to know, what would you guys like to see more of on my blog? Are there any topics or questions anybody wants me to talk about or know more about me? Leave a comment on what you would like to hear more about!

♥ Jaime

Check out Ms. Mimi's blog and enter her giveaway!

2010-01-21T11:09:00.001-08:00

http://www.tasteofapoisonparadise.com/

GO! if you know what's good for ya!

Weekend Adventures of J.Doll and A.Chan

2010-01-19T13:43:00.001-08:00

(car picture while waiting for him to get his mcdonalds)

So I took the drive down to socal this weekend and I got to hang out with Mr.Chan once again. We saw the great Nojoqui falls, visited Solvang and walked downtown SB after the storm. I love the feeling of the air after the rain. The ocean water was brown and it smelled earthy all around the beach. It was a nice, relaxing weekend. And its always fun when ur in good company.

Dressed and read to brave the Great Nojoqui Falls and the dutch town of Solvang.

Testing the effects of good posture in attempts to appear taller and slimmer.

Until next time. Sadly, I am unsure of when next we will see each other...

red lips

2010-01-15T10:46:00.001-08:00

Dedicated to NuNu Doll. My red lips inspiration

Have a good weekend everyone!

Off to socal to stir up some trouble and rendevous with A.Chan ♥

PS: socal ladies! email me if you wanna kick it this weekend! I will leave my number.

Video greeting from me!

2010-01-14T14:24:00.000-08:00

Hey all! I haven't written in a long time so i decided to do a short video post. I am so nervous for these things! haha newayz, have fun watching me attempting to make a video update

♥ Jaime

world's longest word

2010-01-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

for some reason i had an inclination to google world's longest word. This my friends, is the Tobacco virus Dahlemense strain. jeez, chemistry...

ACETYLSERYLTYROSYLSERYLISOLEUCYLTHREONYLSERYLPROLYLSERYLGLUTAMINYLPHENYLALANYLVALYLPHENYLALANYLLEUCYLSERYLSERYLVALYLTRYPTOPHYLALANYLASPARTYLPROLYLISOLEUCYLGLUTAMYLLEUCYLLEUCYLASPARAGINYLVALYLCYSTEINYLTHREONYLSERYLSERYLLEUCYLGLYCYLASPARAGINYLGLUTAMINYLPHENYLALANYLGLUTAMINYLTHREONYLGLUTAMINYLGLUTAMINYLALANYLARGINYLTHREONYLTHREONYLGLUTAMINYLVALYLGLUTAMINYLGLUTAMINYLPHENYLALANYLSERYLGLUTAMINYLVALYLTRYPTOPHYLLYSYLPROLYLPHENYLALANYLPROLYLGLUTAMINYLSERYLTHREONYLVALYLARGINYLPHENYLALANYLPROLYLGLYCYLASPARTYLVALYLTYROSYLLYSYLVALYLTYROSYLARGINYLTYROSYLASPARAGINYLALANYLVALYLLEUCYLASPARTYLPROLYLLEUCYLISOLEUCYLTHREONYLALANYLLEUCYLLEUCYLGLYCYLTHREONYLPHENYLALANYLASPARTYLTHREONYLARGINYLASPARAGINYLARGINYLISOLEUCYLISOLEUCYLGLUTAMYLVALYLGLUTAMYLASPARAGINYLGLUTAMINYLGLUTAMINYLSERYLPROLYLTHREONYLTHREONYLALANYLGLUTAMYLTHREONYLLEUCYLASPARTYLALANYLTHREONYLARGINYLARGINYLVALYLASPARTYLASPARTYLALANYLTHREONYLVALYLALANYLISOLEUCYLARGINYLSERYLALANYLASPARAGINYLISOLEUCYLASPARAGINYLLEUCYLVALYLASPARAGINYLGLUTAMYLLEUCYLVALYLARGINYLGLYCYLTHREONYLGLYCYLLEUCYLTYROSYLASPARAGINYLGLUTAMINYLASPARAGINYLTHREONYLPHENYLALANYLGLUTAMYLSERYLMETHIONYLSERYLGLYCYLLEUCYLVALYLTRYPTOPHYLTHREONYLSERYLALANYLPROLYLALANYLSERINE

from thefutilitycloset.com

Happy New Year!

2010-01-02T00:21:00.001-08:00

From J.Doll and A.Chan!

me and my lovely coworker from the VFC Bree!

And some Dollaga clan pics! Christmas 2009!

we have a lot of girls on my dad's side of the family. these are only some of them.

Karaoke at Festa: Flashbacks & My Weekend in SB

2009-12-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

Gosh, it was quite awhile ago over the summer that my best friends Alicia and Sharayah came out to visit me in SF. So I got my favorite photographer, Ryan Chua, the infamous Mike Chua and my future BF at the time Andrew Chan to karaoke with us. It was a fun and crazy night and I will always remember it with fond memories. Haha! Ryan is the best asian pitbull ever! So much fun, I can't wait until we all make it out to karaoke again.

PS: Ryan, Alicia, Shar, Mike, A.Chan, you are all my favorites

Another incredible weekend in SB

ok, so this is camera angle. Andrew is not that much taller than me. This pic makes me look 5' or less.

Egads! My hair is getting lighter by the day!

There were so many seagulls and pelicans out on the beach

Note to self: bake Andrew some cookies to bring to his stressful internship classes

More pictures of the "boids"

Sometimes I get so caught up in planning out my future or insecurities on what the future will hold, but sometimes I just need to take time and breathe. I really appreciate all the love and support from my friends and family that I have received throughout the way. I especially want to thank Nu, Andrew, my kid sis Jaecy and all my blog readers for their support. It truly am lucky to have so many people that believe in me and are there for me. I know that I will find myself in the end of the entire process.

Even in somewhat miserable weather there is always room to smile. Especially when adventuring with your favorite people.

All I want for Christmas

2009-12-07T20:16:00.001-08:00

(I call this the spoiled bitch pose. It seems quite fitting for the topic. Dior Bronze look eyeshadow from Nu Nu Doll! hehe my lips match my bra!)

Honestly, I have everything I could want. I have a wonderful family, great boyfriend, great wifey girlfriend and best friends who are always there for me. What I would really want is an answer to what to do with the rest of my life, but then that takes all the fun of figuring it out. That and plane ticket to Japan to see my best friend, Alicia. A plane ticket to the east coast wouldn't hurt too, I want to see Nu! Then again, who doesn't like presents? So I guess I should put up my own hypothetical wish list so I can look at it and check off when I get things for myself when I get a job again. Ugh, not working is not too great, especially when I have to buy everyone Christmas presents. But then again shopping is always fun!

Agent Provocateur Xena Collar

Coco de Mer: Betony Vernon Collar

And yes, I need a Miracle at 34B...

Sephora Stuff: Because I am a beauty addict...

My favorite perfume:

Something for anti-aging, because I'm not getting any younger

Night Butterfly eyeshadow palette. Nu got me hooked on these

Who doesn't want bigger lips?

and lashes

♥ Clothing & Apparel

Who doesn't like having toned legs. My sister wanted these and she argues that I don't need them.

And if you have toned legs, you have to show them off. These pants make your legs look looong

American Apparel Disco pants

And a dress for holiday parties.

Gosh, I want this necklace. I saw it in the Swarovski store when i went out with my sister today. Its so pretty!

I guess I'll update this more when I can think of more things i want, but yea I need to get to work. Anways, I just finished my holiday shopping. All in one day and in two hours. I am quite proud. Its a record for me.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

♥Jaime

Unworthy

2009-12-03T10:02:00.000-08:00

Its strange, growing up you think everything will fall into place. You go to school, go to college, get a degree, get an awesome job, have a cool boyfriend, marry the cool boyfriend and have incredibly gorgeous kids that magically appear. Haha, shoot graduating high school I thought everything would fall into place. I graduated with a 3.97 in HS so I had the hopes and dreams of becoming a doctor. Only to find that I was not as smart as I thought I was. As I get older, I am slowly beginning to realize that I am not as brilliant and invincible as I had previously imagined. I got the first C in my life in college. I really didn't know how to handle it. I felt so stupid. I felt like I was letting my family down. I felt like a failure. Maybe that was where I failed though. Looking back after graduating, after that moment I already labeled myself as an idiot and a slacker. I guess I destined myself to a self-proclaimed prophesy. Now I find myself with a degree and I am not quite sure what to do with my life. I don't have the volunteer work, experience, nor the grades to earn an internship. So where does that leave me? I really ask myself that every day and it is a crippling feeling to not know what to do with your life. I feel self disgust and worthlessness as I waste my days away in my parents house. I feel so shameful to waste my parents money on getting a degree and I feel like I have let them down. People had high hopes for me and I let them down too. I feel so embarrassed when people ask me what do I do, because the answer is honestly nothing. I feel incredibly unworthy of my friends, family, boyfriend because everybody else has a purpose or has at least done something with themselves. I just get so frustrated. I know there are things I can do, but I am not sure where to start. I have a plan on what to do, but I guess all I can do now is to mentally prepare myself and hope for the best in my future. I know I can do it, its just the waiting part that is the problem.

I'm sorry for the depressing post. I just had to get it out.

-Jaime

much love to my friends, family, boyfriend and readers. I am sorry if I worry others with my insecurities.

and i suppose mindless, low quality wecam pics of me being a dork might make light of a somewhat dreary post

organized disheveled hair.

blow dried and blank eyed

I suffer from the peace sign epidemic. I admit, I have a problem.

oh skype, you keep me going with my long distance relationship as I bask in the glow of my blue webcam light.
♥ Miss u Mr. C and Nu ♥

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

2009-11-22T14:42:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take a moment to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and thanks everyone for reading and supporting my blog. It really means a lot to me. Enjoy the holiday and have fun with your friends and family!

and now some random thanksgiving break photos as i run around causing trouble.

It was cold on the beach at night.

yet i end up walking around in short shorts. weather inappropriate apparel, typical...

haha you don't know how many times it took to get the camera to catch me airborn

boyfriends make great chin rests.

i ran ahead. and ended up in a picture

i claim the white duck, his name is gordon, gordon luu.

its like they were people captured into sand

wild strawberries!

andrew's photography talent consists of catching me at inopportune times on camera.

hahaha fob status!

and yes, couple pictures. it took forever to get both our heads in the picture. we ended up with 5 pictures of just sand and neither of us.

PS:

and yay! my Band Hero picture came out. I'm on the back cover! woohoo!

run away with me!

Blue Lips

2009-11-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

(pls excuse my ashy and messily painted nails.)

I was bored last night and started doodling in my notepad. I am not quite that good, but I had a Regina Spektor song stuck in my head and insomnia on my mind. Lips on the top are inspired by some "special" people. Blue is the most human color, when we die we get cold and our lips turn blue. Sorry if it sounds morbid, but I found it beautiful in its own way.

Blue Lips: Regina Spektor

He stumbled into faith and thought
God, there is all there is
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe
And all the gods and all the worlds
Began colliding on a backdrop of blue

Blue lips, blue veins

He took a step but then felt tired
He said I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child
And all the people hurried fast, real fast
And no one ever smiled

Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

He stumbled into faith and thought
God, there is all there is
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe
And no one saw and no one heard
They just followed the lead
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe

And no one saw
And no one heard they just followed the lead
The pictures in his mind awoke
And began to breed

They started off beneath an olive tree
And they chopped it down to make a picket fence
And marching along the railroad tracks
They smiled real wide for the camera lens
As they made it past the enemy lines
Just to become enslaved in the enemy lines

Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

Blue, the most human color [x3]
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

Dearest Nu Nu Doll and Mr. A. Chan ♥

2009-10-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

Distance is hard...

But, I get through the day with your kind words.

Dearest Nu,
Thank you for always being there for me and talking me through all my insecurities. I know i get crazy sometimes and its nice to have someone to talk to when I am going all crazy. I am so happy for you and Andy and you inspire me to pursue the same type of happiness. You are such a beautiful person and your heart and kind soul emanate through your words. We'll meet someday and I'm glad that I have found a friend. Good friends are hard to come by, I shall hold you close to my heart.

Dear Mr. A.Chan,
Even though we live far apart I am glad that we are still able to see each other. Through our own pseudo-reality we have our own special relationship. I am glad we were finally able to say what we were feeling. You are the reason for my spontaneous smiles throughout the day. I don't know what our future holds, but I am thankful for all the adventures that you take me on. I have finally found someone willing to share my wanderlust. Distance doesn't matter when I have someone that cares about me the way you do. Haha, good men are hard to come by. I am glad we are together.

haha hot retarded face!

haha its like i'm vogue-ing. Oh well, I tried. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. And a friend that lets me vomit creativity to my heart's content:
Ryan Chua, you are the master of the lens.

♥ Jaime

♥ O'Hare and Nails Look Great! ♥

2009-10-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

I was looking for a nice red nail polish and my lovely buddy Nu Nu Doll recommended this polish. O'Hare and Nails Look Great by OPI. It is a beautiful deep red color that makes your nails look vampy and sexy at the same time.

Here it is on my nails. I was experimenting with my hair and tried to make it look more huge and textured. So this is my contrived fro. I tried...

I also started to get a little bored. Here is what I wore yesterday. It happens when it gets cold in the city. I am beginning to notice I've been looking a little paler in my pictures, but I figure its a trick of the lighting.

hehe and yes, I have acquired the pet boyfriend. That sounds derogatory, I really don't mean it like that. I like him a lot. He makes me smile and takes me cool places and isn't afraid to venture out. He inspires me every day to work harder and figure out what I want to do with my life. While I try to bring optimism and energy into his life. He is a dietetics/clinical nutrition major just like me. In fact we graduated sitting next to each other. He also looks cute in a suit. tee hee. His name is Andrew, I mentioned him in earlier entries. He makes me smile.

I hope he doesn't get mad at me for posting his camera phone picture whoring. Its a habit we both share.

he got me this cool keychain from a wedding he went to over the weekend. Hence, the suit.

Anyways, thanks for stopping by and reading my daily ramblings!

RAWR!
♥ Jaime

Super Bored & I ♥ DSK Jewelry

2009-10-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

I was super bored and took pictures with my camera phone of my Medium AB heart from DSK jewelry. Ghetto photo shoot status. Its pretty much my favorite necklace and I wear it every day. Its simple and pretty and I always seem to get compliments on it. Sorry no retouching. Shout out to Steph! you rock girl!

Check out DSK Jewelry!

Boredom Cont.

I went to trader joe's today bc i wanted to buy myself flowers and trail mix for my oatmeal cookies. I bought lilies because they reminded me of my wifey Nu Nu Doll. She's such a wonderful person who supports me and makes me smile every day.

*TOXIC*
I offered some to my room mate and I got a lecture on how lilies are toxic in the bedroom. Oh well, I guess I'll die happy. I'd rather expose myself to toxic influences that put a smile on my face than the 'natural cleansing' she does with all the products she buys. I just run on the beach to keep myself healthy. I only graduated with a degree in nutrition and work at a gym, what do i know about being healthy. Riiight. I kept my feelings to myself, I was only trying to be nice after all. At least I'm not grumpy and shitting my ass off in the toilet. JK! Although, I have a couple reasons to smile today....

75 days of summer... and so on

2009-10-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

just a bit of writing to someone to get things off my chest. to my readers and subscribers, you don't have to read bc it might bore you.

i just wanted to take the time to tell you thank you for everything. As i get lost in all the monotony of my normal life, you are the breath of fresh air to remind me that i am still human and alive. there are so many times i wish i could reach out and move past the window that we look through at each other to close the distance between us. i try my best to keep a cheerful face because i don't want you to see my sadness when i miss you. I'm sorry that i make things hard for you. i heard you admit it and i feel guilty that i continue to cling. there are a lot of times i want u to just drop my sorry ass because I'm not really worth the trouble. you can find someone better, closer and not a clueless pretentious brat like i am. any sort of beauty you see in me is a fully contrived and calculated product of my own vanity as well as overeager camera tricks. my youthful exuberance and energy are merely due to being younger as well as my inability to accept the realities of adulthood and responsibility. you can easily find someone better that can make you smile.

besides from all my self depreciation and insecurities, i fully appreciate all the things you do for me. we met at a very interesting, transitionary point in our lives that allowed for endless free time and exploration. i have never been on so many adventures or found anybody willing to go everywhere with me. i have honestly never felt so brave to throw caution in the wind and get lost in every single moment. you're the only person who is always up for a run or go exploring with me. i will always remember our summer of crazy ghost hunts, late night runs and mini vacations to places that i never knew existed. i enjoy how you play along with all the silly games and imaginary associations that i think up. i appreciate how you were the only person to actually help me when i was broke off my ass with no job to find random modeling gigs. haha i even find it funny how we would go to gigs together and make random money at places. i give you props for trying to participate in my interests and hobbies and introducing me to all your friends. i feel like such a cool person when we hang out together and the attention that we get.

of course, its typical that i am going to apologize for everything. once you realize that something is lacking in life you always realize that you never gave it the appreciation that you should have. i carelessly and cowardly hurt you with my own fear and got caught up in my own ego. i ruined it all with my own selfishness. i had everything i had always been asking for, but i let it all go because i was scared and unready. yet, you showed up the next day with a rice crispy treat and you continued to hang out with me. i am glad you still took the time to get to know me when everybody else would see the exterior and want to use me. nobody has ever truly made me feel as special as you have, though i find myself undeserving. i feel like such a fool with all the crazy daydreams of scenarios with you and how i wish you were here so i can say weird things that pop into my head. i want to entertain you every day with the randomness in my mind and bring you along into the technicolor world i see. i feel the panic of a lost child without you. and i want to break through the imaginary window that we see each other through and be with you. that is all.

Ride with Mission Motors!

2009-09-28T08:04:00.001-07:00

http://www.ridemission.com

Go go power rangers!!! haha jk. So I did a shoot with Mission Motors not too long ago and the pics finally came out. Thanks for the heads up Drew! Newayz, thought it would be interesting to post. The motorcycle suit was the worst part, squeezing my fat ass into a tiny and not broken in piece of leather. It took me 10 minutes or more of jumping around until i finally just lay down in the back of the van. The end result is awesome though. Major props to the photographer Doug for making this shoot awesome and Jeremy for letting me do this shoot.

Check out the website!!!

ps, i hope my momma doesn't get scared that i was on a motorcycle. :\

greetings from so cal

2009-09-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

so i am currently on an adventure to southern california to visit my friend andrew. i tried to make a video on the webcam but the sound is once again retarded. anybody who knows how to make these things please teach me how to sync up the audio on these things. i am such a n00b! i love you all!

randomized cam whoring with gang affiliations....

*i am a serial peace sign thrower

reppin triad!!!

♥ Jaime

I should start blogging again

2009-09-19T11:37:00.001-07:00

I really need to get back into the blogosphere. I miss writing so much. My parents became angry with me over the summer for my blog. But, I guess for now they are over it. I was finally able to explain it to them, so I should be able to blog once again. I really miss being able to write down my thoughts and then save them for later. Once again, I will probably bore people with the details of my personal musings and then post images to entertain. I will talk more about summer some other time, but I guess I should start with my current status.

Current Life:

Things are going swimmingly for the moment. Life after graduation is an interesting time. I remember being in school and the days seemed to never end, yet now my days either busy with work or just floating along. Summer flew by so quickly and I am finally starting to feel like myself again. Though there are bad days that I worry about where I am in life and feel the insecurities of not catching up with my fellow peers, I am learning to appreciate moments and experiences more. I never realized I would feel the pressures of not having a professional career a relationship or whatever people in my age group do. Growing up I always figured that things would just happen in order and be neat and simple. I now realize that is not the case. It is so weird to hear my aunts and uncles tease me about being single and that i'll be an old maid. But I guess those are things that will continue as I get older. I don't mind, its actually kind of entertaining. I especially enjoy telling them that I will never marry, I don't want kids and I want to spend all my money on myself as well as a a lamborghini. Actually, I don't think I'm kidding on the lamborghini part.

Future Plans:

I am currently taking a year off from school before I pursue a career in pharmacy. I plan to move back in with my parents in Sacramento and finish school. I feel I have the drive and I know that I can do it. I am willing to work for as long as I have to, to reach my goals.

Relationships bla bla bla:

So no boyfriend for me. I'm not gonna cry about it. I wonder sometimes if my mom worries about me because she has been asking my kid sister about me. I think she thinks that I might end up alone too. If things happen and fall into place, whatever happens will happen. I know that after the last experience I find myself a much stronger person, unwilling to put up with insults and attacks to my own person. I wish the best for my ex. I wish him all the happiness in the world and I hope the problems that he had with family, life etc., get better. We were friends in high school, but I now realize just because you may have perceptions that things are meant to be, more often than not, they are not. Sometimes I get sad that I lost a friend that I did really care about growing up, but I have no desire to be together again. It just hurts at times to think of losing a friend as well as your own picture perfect idea dissipating into reality. But I suppose that was a chance I took. If he happens to read this, please just live your life. What happened is over and I have no desire to return to our relationship in a romantic way. I miss our friendship, but I will always hold you in high regards as my friend.

and now some sneak peak pictures of summer break:

high up on the windy hills on a beautiful day with the chua

grad party for me and the sis

indoor shoot with the chua

Oakland PD fundraiser for work

My best friends visit and Karaoke madness

Monterey Driving with My favorite Mr. Chua

Modeled at Italian Concourso

Explored Sausalito and Santa Cruz

Goodbye to the partner in crime for the summer, Drew

So long sweet summer... Now on to the reality of life. workity work work work.

Ryan Chua is my favorite photographer

2009-07-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

Ryan is my good buddy and photographer friend. He takes a lot of my photos throughout the city. I am astounded by his photography abilities and I feel incredibly blessed to have him as a friend. I met Ryan at the cafe at SFSU on a nice, sunny day. While it may have seemed awkward at first, we quickly became friends due to our passion for creating art. I was very impressed of Ryan's ability to imagine various images and our ability to recreate those visions. I am now lucky to have within my last couple weeks in the city the ability to shoot with Ryan on an almost weekly basis. Here is our latest shoot from last week. I was unable to shoot this week, due to being sick. I hope you enjoy. We were bored and decided to do an outdoor shoot bc it was finally good weather in the city.

Love me little, love me long

2009-06-26T11:49:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the cheezy entry. but i was looking at things online and I thought this was a cool necklace. I'm not in a position to be recieving things like this, but its pretty nonetheless. I saw it on yesstyle.com. i'll post more things about what i've been up to in a bit.

edit: so i guess i will explain the sentimental feelings i got when looking at this

There are certain people that we meet in our lives that we may want to be with, but the circumstances don't allow you to be together. I guess in my case this person, I have known for quite a while, but it is only until recently that we have been able to be together. With this person I am able to connect on both a physical and emotional level, but the confines of time and distance will not allow us to be together. While part of me clings selfishly, the other part knows that I can't give him that kind of burden. He's told me that he's been hurt before and I don't want to be the cause of another pain to him. But we foolishly stay together and grow closer, only to make the hurt in the end inevitable. I have no idea why I care so much. I don't understand why I like him so much. Its just the way he makes me feel and our interactions that make me feel alive and happy in his presence. While I am sad that we will eventually have to part ways, I am happy that we have the time that we do. Being with him has taught me to live in the moment and embrace the fleeting happiness. And maybe that is a way I should approach love, not everything will be or play out the way I want it. I am not self centered enough to believe that someone would completely follow me, nor do I expect it. But I will take the time to enjoy the happiness I can have, even if it doesn't mean forever. Love me little, love me long, is the burden of my song.

Love Me Little, Love Me Long

Love me little, love me long,
Is the burden of my song.
Love that is too hot and strong
Burneth soon to waste.
Still, I would not have thee cold,
Not too backward, nor too bold;
Love that lasteth till 'tis old
Fadeth not in haste.
Love me little, love me long,
Is the burden of my song.

If thou lovest me too much,
It will not prove as true as touch;
Love me little, more than such,
For I fear the end.
I am with little well content,
And a little from thee sent
Is enough, with true intent
To be steadfast friend.
Love me little, love me long,
Is the burden of my song.

Say thou lov'st me while thou live;
I to thee my love will give,
Never dreaming to deceive
Whiles that life endures.
Nay, and after death, in sooth,
I to thee will keep my truth,
As now, when in my May of youth;
This my love assures.
Love me little, love me long,
Is the burden of my song.

Constant love is moderate ever,
And it will through life persever;
Give me that, with true endeavor
I will it restore.
A suit of durance let it be,
For all weathers that for me,
For the land or for the sea,
Lasting evermore.
Love me little, love me long,
Is the burden of my song.

Winter's cold, or summer's heat,
Autumn's tempests on it beat,
It can never know defeat,
Never can rebel.
Such the love that I would gain,
Such the love, I tell thee plain,
Thou must give, or woo in vain;
So to thee, farewell!
Love me little, love me long,
Is the burden of my song.

my poor blog!

2009-06-19T10:55:00.000-07:00

so i guess i exceeded the bandwith and my old layout was ruined. now i have a stupid plain one. i need to make a banner. or better yet! I think I should have a contest. How about someone make me a cool banner and I will think of something cool to give away. umm its a surprise? but I can make it worth your while...
Ok Jaime Dollaga's first contest!
Make me a banner!

its my birthday tomorrow!

2009-06-16T11:04:00.001-07:00

any suggestions on what to do?

so i finally do a video post

2009-06-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

and the sound is off. darn! but anyways, here is my sorry attempt at video blogging. i could at least get a career in badly dubbed asian movies.

The most beautiful things...

2009-06-11T23:01:00.001-07:00

are made with love. Stephanie puts a lot of time and care in making her jewelry creations. Anybody who has ordered from her knows that not only does she send you jewelry, she sends you cool treats and a sweet note. She packages every item in lovely boxes, making them great gifts. Whenever I get a package from Steph, I get so excited cuz I know that she is sending me some candy and or course gorgeous jewelry. I like to wear Steph's Jewelry to some of my shoots and I am proud to present a piece that I mentioned and she brought to life.

I wanted a lariat style necklace because I liked the enlongating effect it has by bringing the eye across the neckline and lower. It is also versatile in length because you can vary from choker to long necklace. In addition a lariat style can also be worn backwards to show off the shoulderblades and low back dresses and tops.

Here is another, more cuter version of the lariat.

The cute pink heart reminds me of Nu! haha! Hey, she has a heart face and she likes pink, so its suiting for her. Anyways, check out Steph's blog and her beautiful creations. She is a wonderful and creative person and beautiful inside and out.

John Carman Shoot- my work for the day

2009-06-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

I love these short overalls from American Apparel!!!
I look super tan here. Very commercial shot.
ghetto wall shot on the ghetto wall.

Since I have recently joined the ranks of the unemployed after graduating college I have chosen to dedicate my time and energy towards modeling. I will probably have to stop doing it once I go back to Sac, unless I find an agency. Shoot, I need an agency in SF. But sadly, I am only 5'5" so my options will be limited. But modeling is my method of coping with the frustrations in life. Its when I can let go of the things bothering me and escape the realities of hurt from an ex boyfriend, of guys that don't care about my feelings and losing friends. I know I can't do it forever, but the fleeting happiness is enough for me.

on a cold day in san francisco

2009-06-06T00:28:00.001-07:00

the sun peaked through the clouds and let ryan and i shoot by the ocean.

regret

2009-06-05T17:42:00.000-07:00

today is his birthday and i can't help, but feel sad. i remember writing it in my planner in high school and calling every year. this time i can't call. i wish things could be easier, but what should i expect? i broke his heart and i feel nothing but regret. the end of a friendship due to my own foolish desires. nothing is ever cut so simply and i can't make everyone happy. its not fair that i don't feel the same, but its also unfair that i lost a friend. i'm so sorry. but i know you don't forgive me.

Gene Higa Shoot

2009-06-03T19:54:00.000-07:00

Detail shots of the jewelry

I was very priveleged to shoot with Gene Higa last week. He is an amazing photographer. I walked all around Union Square and Maiden Lane and we told everyone I was a famous Asian celebrity. Well, now I know what it feels like to be a celebrity for a day. In case I never end up getting married, I have the wedding photos set, so my mom need not worry.

I am not married

2009-06-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

but i did a recent photoshoot with Gene Higa and it was awesome!!!
Makeup by Armando.
Check me out at Genehiga.net!!!

Graduation Party: The changing cycle of my social circles

2009-05-31T14:34:00.001-07:00

As we age (or at least as I age) it becomes increasingly apparent the continuous decline of our social circles. At my graduation party it was made clear in my lack of friends attending. I was unable to persuade any of my friends to come. I am lucky enough to have a large family and a sister with many friends to not have an embarrassingly empty house. However, as a result of continuous long-term relationships as well as relocation from my hometown it is almost expected. I tell my mom that I no longer want large house parties for my birthdays and events because I have nobody that will come to them. But her blind devotion for me tells me that it doesn’t matter and that she will invite my relatives for me anyways. Since my 21st birthday, I have only had one or two friends come to any of my birthday parties or events. None of those people included a boyfriend, due to the fact that they were either uncomfortable with my family or just busy with something else. This bears a stark contrast to the 200+ people attending my 18th birthday party.
The change towards becoming somewhat of a social hermit began in my early years of community college. My best friends were still in high school and I was left alone in a new school, similar to high school but with breast implants and cigarettes. At the time, I felt so alone I entered an exclusive, long-term relationship and totally dedicated my life to his command. Thus, I never relearned the development of friendships after high school. I was of course devastated when we broke up and became even more increasingly quiet. Meanwhile, my best friend joined the military and soon married her high school sweetheart. I secluded myself from the rest and became undependable and distant. When the time came towards transferring I felt the need to leave Sacramento because there was no longer any reason to stay.

I entered San Francisco, of course knowing myself, in yet another long-term relationship. (Why do we repeat these things in endless cycles?). Thus, I once again did not feel the need to make many friends. My parents told me that it was unimportant to establish long term friendships with anyone in college because I was destined to leave anyways. I have engrossed myself in my own vanity for the majority of these years to pass the time. In my years of being the city, I eventually broke up with my boyfriend at the time. Then I established a bizarre living arrangement. And then I entered a long distance relationship with a former high school friend and crush. The relationship eventually crumbled from the stress and pressure after the fall semester last year. After spending an entire semester last year crying I have finally decided that it is all enough. I have yet to finish my mistakes and close the relationship. I torture him in the constant limbo of the state of our relationship. He calls me when I go out during the week. I decline to speak to him and only answer in texts. We haven’t spoken on the phone since April. I am a horrible person. I am messy and indecisive. “Closed mouths, don’t get fed.” (according to a close friend) I am in fact starving.
In the last couple months I have finally gotten close to a small group of people. I am finally beginning to feel again what it is like to have friends that feel like family. Ironically, I leave in September. As our time dwindles, the line between coworkers, friends and relationships blur into a confusing mass. We make our own troubles, I apparently enjoy complicating my life to the point of insanity. The current mantra of my life has been, “live in the moment.” I am slowly beginning to accept the changes that will occur in my life in the next couple months. I engross myself in work and modeling to not notice the time passing. The fleeting nature of my last months in the city make me want to cling to it all so desperately, because I know that this time shall also pass. Despite what I may want in friendships and relationships and where I want to live, I know that these things are beyond my control. I cry at night about the relationships that may never be and the future after graduation that I will accept.

Yesterday morning I found a box in my closet. It had various papers I wrote, class notes, love notes from admirers etc. What caught my eye was a brightly colored picture of one of my high school friends. It was the paper for his funeral. As I gazed at his picture and read the words it all looked like a fake pamphlet on his death. My friend was brutally murdered in 2005, shot in the head. I read on and when the names of the pallbearers I burst into tears. My ex, his brother and my best guy friend were on the list. When I thought of the heaviness of that experience and the pain that my friends had to go through to do that I didn’t even realize it at the time. (Meanwhile, I feel so fucked up because I know I will also bring pain to my ex when I gain the courage to tell him that we can no longer be together.) I was brought back to the tears his mother cried when she screamed for God to give her back her son. The blue smoke from the incense. His girlfriend, wanting to jump into the hole in the ground. I read a poem her wrote on the back and I was reminded of the kind of devotion he had for his girlfriends. My friend was by no means perfect, but God he knew how to love unconditionally. I sat in my closet and cried for a few moments. My sister came into my room and I quickly hid my distress.

Now I’m typing in the early morning about my experiences because I can’t hold it all in anymore. As I become increasingly materialistic and vain I numb myself to the realities of my own life. I still cannot accept the loss of my relationships past. I still cannot accept the fleetingness of friendships and love. I foolishly hope and cling to affections that have no purpose. And I become increasingly satisfied with myself only to realize that there is so much to change. People wonder about my unapproachable nature and the times when I get quiet. But maybe, if you took the time to read this all you can realize why. It’s because I become so goddamn introspective that I can no longer express it into words. Few people realize that the people that don’t say anything have often the most to say. When I become quiet there is a reason. I am not depressed. I am just lost.
“Closed mouths don’t get fed.”
I am in fact starving.

Got Purple?! SFSU Dietetics Graduation 2009

2009-05-25T18:23:00.001-07:00

Me and my best buddy in SF: Jessica Hong!!

So, I finally graduated!!!! My undergraduate career at SF State is finally complete and I look back with a little bit of sadness from nostalgia, but mostly happiness that I have finally achieved something that I had worked for many years to complete. I graduated with a B.S. Dietetics on May 23, 2009. My parents came to my department ceremony with my grandmother and my sister and they were so happy. It feels so strange now that I am finally finished with school. I finally have a degree attached to my name. However, I still have a lot of work to go, my future academic plans will be mentioned in a future post. Just be prepared to be referring to me as Dr. Dollaga in the next 4 years.

And of course, I must entertain with visuals of my graduation experience. I ran out of batteries midway through the ceremony, so my sister took pictures of the rest of it on her camera. Those will be posted later when she uploads them.

Me and a couple of my classmates

Nicole, Jessica and I- We studied breast cancer in correlation with lifetime soy consumption

Me and Danielle, everybody says we look like cousins. hehe she actually does look a cousin of mine, Glenale. We created our own reduced saturate fat chocolate cupcakes in experimental food study together.

Me and my classmate and neighbor JJ. He is so sweet. Check it ladies- he's single. Let me know if you're interested. Nutritional knowledge and he can cook!

With one of the best teachers at SFSU- Joan Frank. She is the advisor for our class and her multitasking skills are insane. She cares so much.

I know that I will miss being in class with my friends and all the fun that we had and all the mischeif we were always up to. I will always remember the days that I used to have to sit on the countertops bc classes were so overcrowded and I would webcam with my boyfriend at the time during class. I will always remember the healthy snacks that my friends would always bring and how nice it was to work with people who shared the same passion for nutrition.

Bloggers unite SF! @ Bubble Lounge

2009-05-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

hey, i'm taking a break from studying to post the pictures i have from the pow wow on friday night. i will write more about the night later on, but here are the pictures. feel free to steal, but leave a comment!

here's me and my big bobble head

the stupid uploader thing takes forever. so i will post more pics and explanations later.

♥ Jaime

Black and White post- Dedicated to Nu nu Doll

2009-05-16T12:22:00.001-07:00

After I told Ryan about my newfound fascination with black and white images, Ryan edited more black and white shots for me. I feel so lucky to be able to do photoshoots like this. Nu Nu, who look fabulous in black and white shares my love for black and white images that I dedicate the pics in my post to her. Thanks for all the flirting and guy advice. If you ever come to SF before January, come see me so we can take over the city by storm. The stripper stores on the Haight will run out of stock. Anyways, without further ado, the aforementioned photos.

haha the bottom one makes it look like I have boobs (dedicated a special someone ♥) Hahaha! wouldn't you like to know.

Posing in Ryan's spider hall. On a cold rainy day in SF, there is nothing better to do than to pose in a tiny bikini in a dark starwell with spiderwebs. Shit, I forgot about the spiderwebs until I looked down.

I am beginning to realize the blessings that I have in my life and I am so happy for them. I realize that it is an utter waste of time to be so pessimistic and bitch and moan about my life when I have so much to be thankful for. I have friends and family that love me. I work with my friends. I am graduating college. It turns out the accident wasn't my fault despite what my insurance company says about me bc the other girl's insurance is paying me. Sometimes I feel like there is someone up there watching over me. It sounds silly, but maybe its my baby brother (guardian angel) cuz everytime it feels like things are getting increasingly worse for me, things change trajectory. The weird thing is I cried about it friday in a psych class about grief, loss, and death of a child. I don't like to cry often, but there are times it just reminds me that I'm human and I'm still alive.

I had so much fun last night meeting all the lovely blogger beauties at Bubble Lounge. Everyone was so beautiful. Fuz really does have glowing skin like she does in her blog pictures! I also got some wonderful presents that I will post about when I can hook my camera up. There were so many guys just standing and staring in a huge wall surrounding our little pow wow. Well, I guess thats what happens when you put together a bunch of hot and sexy asian girls in front of a bunch of drunk guys. I got some guy claiming to play for the Warriors! HAHAHA- I took a picture. I'll have to ask my coworkers if it really was true. If he is, then umm I'll have to put my foot in my mouth, but man I should have said umm yea I'm a GoldRush cheerleader/ Filipino actress/model/singer on vacation. Haha I got pretty drunk and I called my coworkers yesterday in my first drunk dial. I am such a n00b at the whole nightlife thing. So yea, I had fun despite walking alone in hooker heels and a miniskirt riding up my ass down Broadway past all the strip clubs. Thank god I took Kenpo for 6-7 years and I've got a blackbelt so I have a little bit of fearlessness and fight in me. Ahh, adventures of Jaime aka J.Doll in the city. Status: Jaime Dollaga- international woman of mystery/ undercover lover. I live life dangerously. Haha not really, but sometimes... Anyways, I just want to let all my blog friends and readers that i love them all. Thank you everyone for showing up to the Pow-wow.

Bad Hair Day

2009-05-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

Ryan had me look trashy for part of my shoot, so umm here is my take on me being a scrub with ratted hair. fyi- i backcomb my hair almost every day.

i will probably be blogging about something more interesting later tonight.

ugh! I have to retype this crap bc blogger lost my post!

Okay, so it has come to my attention that I am the fattest girl working at the gym. I personally find myself by no means fat, I'm 5'5" and 117 lbs. I am quite muscular, so I don't consider most of that weight fat. Most of my female coworkers, (who are of course gorgeous) are natually thin and slender. Recently, coworkers of mine have told me that members have told them that I look SoooOO much better now and that I have lost some weight. While I should take this as a compliment, I find it slightly backhanded. I wonder... But, I didn't think I looked bad in the first place. My coworker of course agreed with me, but what in the world is this infatuation with weight loss that we all seem to have? Why is it that, due to losing some weight I am somehow deemed more worthy of male attention. It sickens me to think of what the real message is in relation to society.

I had a recent conversation with my roomate who confessed that he prefers women that are extremely slender and finds women that weigh more to be less attractive and possibly lazy and unmotivated. By what means does being heavier make you a lazy person? I just can't understand the logic that being thin brings you closer to perfection and the ideal woman in society. I know plenty of women that are naturally slender and do not have to worry about working out or watching what they eat. Yet, there are girls that may never reach their ideal or goal weight and are slaves to the cardio equipment (I find myself in this category often). Why do women torture themselves to reach some sort of celebrity ideal? What does it say about ourselves if our self worth is equated to being a size 0? So our main goal in life is to become literally, nothing? And why do men pursue this type so adamantly?

Female celebrities are ubiquitously thin, but is there that much pressure for men to be at their peak physical form? While there is some pressure for men in entertainment, the physical standards for men as far as their bodies are put under less scrutiny. A male is less likely to be judged on his weight than his character and achievements. But, why is there so much emphasis on women to be thin? Why are guys obsessed with women that are thin? I am a little disgusted on how harshly guys judge girls, when the same standards are not put to them. I find it horrible when I hear guys talk about a perfectly beautiful young woman and put her down because they find her thighs too big or she is not the size they prefer. It is sick that a friend of mine who has a great body feels bad that guys call her muscular. Just everyone out there, be happy with who you are. Good things will follow.

I am sorry if I offended anyone with this post. I will step off my soapbox now.

♥ Jaime

For all you Otaku out there/ Eki Contest ♥

2009-05-11T16:58:00.000-07:00

CHECK IT OUT!!!!

The long awaited anime shoot for Pegasus Maiden clothing. Nancy, the designer was amazing. Her clothes are so creative and beautiful. Here are a couple shots from the shoot. I may enter in Eki's contest, but I am not sure if it is fair bc i did not make the costume and its not my wig. So yea, Eki its your call if I am eligible.

♥ Jaime

Here is Nancy's site if you want to check our her clothing!

www.pegasusmaiden.com

Also, anybody else interested in doing an anime shoot should enter in Eki's contest. Deadline June 6th.

♥---> EKI'S CONTEST<---♥

drying your hair can be fun

2009-05-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

messing with the hairdryer at ryan's

haha i look quite surprised in this set.

i think i'm starting to like black and white images. maybe some of my next pictures with my camera will be on the black and white setting just for fun. things are going okay. i've been a bit angry and sad lately, but it will be okay. thanks everyone for your support.

cheesin it up in 1st grade & photo updates of my life (caution: pic heavy)

2009-05-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

since i love pictures of people when they were children i have decided to post my own photo of when i was younger. i remember making the picture frame in class and the diligence of covering the little hearts in white paint. i remember my selection of the green frame because i thought it would match the leaves on the apple tree. i remember telling my teacher that i had snot in my nose in filipino because i didn't know the english equivalent. i remember not liking this picture when i was little because i was squinting. but when i look at my rosy cheeks, bangs and my large front teeth, i can't help but smile. i liked first grade, when all the boys would chase me around and tie me to the jungle gym when we played ninja turtles. i remember kicking so many of them in the shins and then ending up with bruises all over my knees. haha come to think of it, i still kick boys and get bunches of bruises. then again, there are days that i would like to go back to when things were less complicated and the biggest committment was writing a boy's name in your crayon box.

being cheezy in the exploratorium inside a kaleidoscope box. man, i need one of these to get ready in the morning. i feel like bruce lee in enter the dragon, surrounded by an army of me.

rosy cheeks are now from blush
bangs are pushed to the side
two front teeth are still large
but hey, i'm smiling :)

and since I have the time... how about some pictures.

exhibit a: my sister and I being random in our living room

exhibit b: being the designated photographer at the exploratorium last week

exhibit c: Cherry Blossom Festival

miscellaneous....

here is my lovely cousin charissa, no blood relation, but this girl is gonna be a friggin heartbreaker when she hits hs. so pretty and cute!

my room in sf is in need of some major spring cleaning that i shall initiate upon my return. and the ex-bf can kiss his jeans goodbye for they have entered by clothing collection, never to return. ok i better hit the treadmill, i've been eating nothing but junk food since arriving at my parents house.

To all my ex-boyfriends

2009-05-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is by no means a bash on my ex-boyfriends (okay well sort of). I don't mean the things I say as an attack on them, just an attack on their actions. I am not sure if that makes sense, but in all respects the guys that I have dated are not assholes, nor do I regard them as such.

This goes out to all my ex-boyfriends and the things that they have said to me. I no longer wish to feel inadequate based on my race, weight, intelligence breast size, color of my skin etc. I don't want to feel bad that I am not Chinese, Vietnamese or a white girl with big boobs. I am not named Jessica and I will not pretend to be. I don't want to pretend or try to be any of those any longer. I am sorry that I am not pale as the driven snow and that being naturally tan offends you. I don't care that you wish that I was blonde. I no longer have to pretend that I am nice enough that you mom will like me, though she never will because I am not the same race as you. I no longer have to listen to you offend me and my race with your friends and family. I am tired of all the attacks on my stomach and the presence of love handles and its need to be toned. I no longer care if you think my legs are large. Your own lazy ass can hit the gym and try to work out half as much as I do. I resent the fact that you think that I am not worthy of any sort of monetary spending. I am angry of being accused as a reason of your lack of finances. I refuse to be your slave and cater you and come to your aid whenever you need me. I am free from you all.

Lately I have felt dragged down by feelings of negativity and inadequacy that I am not worthy of a lot of things in my life. While most of these kinds of things are my own insecurities, their development has been fueled by constant criticism. I can't blame my ex's for making me feel this way, it is my own fault for internalizing all their words. Its now that I realize that its these kinds of things that are holding me back in my own life. I know that I have made a lot of mistakes in school, my living situations, even my career choices due to my own lack of better judgement. Now that I am on my own I owe it to myself to make me feel better as a person. I have to accept that I can't be everything that a man expects from me, nor should I strive to. I know myself and I know my faults and my strengths. I no longer want to feel embarassed or have to change who I am to make another person happy. I am slowly starting to realize my own importance and worth. Some days are good and some are bad, but I am overall happy with my current situation. I wish all my ex's luck with whatever relationships they are in and to not make the same mistakes they did with me. I am sorry to all of them for all my anger that I had from my own internalized contempt. And I have a big FUCK YOU!!! to say to all of them for making fun of my love handles. Someday, someone out there will appreciate them.

and for those of you who like image posts:

<-- please disregard my clear bra sticking out of the top of the dress when you click on this

Ryan Chua R0x0rZ my B0xrz (whatever that means)

and a pic from a Joe Perez shoot last month: Please note the DSK Necklace
and umm don't mind the tension in my mouth.

anyways, i better get to bed. my sister has a dance recital tomorrow. I am so proud of my lil sis. I'm also baking peanut butter cookies for the first time tomorrow or sunday possibly. I should get to sleep, even though my excitement for every new day is making me a bit of an insomniac at times.

♥ Jaime

do you understand this?

2009-05-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

Ryan asked me to post this sketch. Its supposed to tell two different stories of getting up in the morning. The one on the left is supposed to be unglamorous and the right is supposed to be fashion. The person on the left is running late, while the person on the right is fashionably musing through her morning. Please let me know if this juxtaposition makes sense. Thanks girls! Ryan appreciates it too.

-Jaime

haha ya'll wanna floss wid me?

Ryan Chua Shoot

2009-05-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

lately i've been feeling like i'm floating through life.

WARNING! NOT WORK APPROPRIATE! (SORRY FUZ!)

ugh! my head hurts and I am in the creepy library annex at school typing on their computers. I feel like people are watching with prying eyes as I sit in this holding silo powered by the brains of college students. The stupid internet connection here made me unable to turn in my online homework so I am pretty pissed at the moment with technology. I got into an accident yesterday and I hit my head on my window, but my big hair saved me. My right mirror is popped off and the side is all smeared with the paint of the other car. If anybody knows someone who can fix it, please hook it up. I will forever be your best friend.

On a brighter note. Its been a while since I've posted shoot pictures, but here is what I have so far from friday. It was fun. You never know what you can do on a rainy day. It was an indoor shoot with my dear friend Ryan Chua. Ryan's cool, he knows his way around a camera. He also shares a love of Adriana Lima with me. I look forward to working with Ryan more in the future.

haha i look like a spoiled bitch

dearest adriana lima, you are my idol. i will forever try to emulate you.

i was in a creepy staircase that was dark and had spiders, but in my imagination i was in an abandoned lighthouse near the bay running in a horror movie.

it rained on friday. i imagined i was looking out the window in the morning at pismo beach, sand and ice plants and sand dollars.

i really am in desperate need of some stomach airbrushing. since it was raining, we shot indoors. ryan has an awesome living room. (don't mind the incorrect spelling of my name.)

this was my easter dress. i am glad it got put to another use.

hmm that is all that is edited so far. more shoots and more fun to come. darn, my head still hurts. both sides. one from my accident, the other from being headbutted today. i am getting out of this place, it gives me the creeps.

-Jaime

I'm still alive!

2009-04-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone!

I just wanted to take the time to let everybody know how things are going. It is so inconvenient to not have internet at my place, it severely limits my blogging time. Things are going well for me at the moment and I am actually quite content with the state of my life at the moment. I am excited about graduation, but at the same time the dread of figuring out what I am doing after graduation is coming in. I am so scared about not getting a job in the healthcare industry that I feel anxiety constantly.

The boyfriend situation I have no idea what to do at this point. Why am I such a masochist to the point that I would rather be in a state of uncertainty versus the known stability I know that I have in a relationship? Its a feeling that I have not experienced before as I have always been in relationship since I was 19. The newfound independence that I am experiencing seems to foreign to me. As much as I would like the comfort and safety of a relationship, I feel that there are decisions that I should make without the responsibility of a boyfriend. I don't feel that it is fair that I keep someone waiting when I am so indecisive. I don't think that it is fair if I get back with Minh for my own security's sake. There is just so much that I want to do that sometimes I feel that I am going to burst. There are so many possibilities that I feel dizzied when thinking of the future outcomes. I think I'm going to take my time and figure things out. I am a horrible person and I am being selfish.

Thank you everyone for all the love and support that I have been recieving. I appreciate all the people that have subscribed to my blog and I am truly touched that people would actually be interested in my own mindless musings. Thank you everyone for being there for me through my tough times. I don't have many girl friends, but I feel that I have finally found a community of support with strong and beautiful women. I love each and every one of you.

Much Love,
-Jaime

PS: Pink! thank you so much for the lotions. I love the sunblock. I am currently working on sending you a lil somethin somethin from the city.

PSS: I have a couple new photoshoots that I will be posting in the next couple weeks. Get ready for some gothic lolita/harajuku fun!

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE BORED AT WORK?

A: MAKE A HUMAN PYRAMID!!!11111111111

FYI: I'M THE ONE IN PAIN ON THE RIGHT, SECOND TO THE TOP

Studying... its what the cool kids do

2009-04-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

I'm bored and studying for my test in my nutrition through the life cycle class with my coworker joseph delacruz. (ladies, he is single for anyone interested(he taught the abs class)). I've been reading since 4:00. My eyes hurt, but I am doing okay. Pretty soon the guy is going to turn off the lights in the student center. So I have to make this quick. Oh yea,I got a haircut btw. I think that is another prerequisite when you are feeling bad. I like it, I have more volume.

okay, time to go. the internet is getting cut off at 10:00.

waking up sucks

2009-04-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

i crashed on the couch at my coworker's place and waiting for a ride home. its alright, i have time to do another post. i hate waking up so much lately. i find it very hard to fall asleep most of the time, mostly because i get so cold i shiver myself to waking. i've been waking up lately and just feeling like crap. being single is so odd for me. i'm not used to attention and i don't know how to handle it. i find it so confusing. i guess it just shows my lack of maturity and ability to be on my own. i remember when i first moved to the city how dependent i was on daniel. i used to think if i broke up with him that i would perish on my own. i find my own serial monogamy sad in a way. why can't i find the strength in myself to do well on my own? it has been six years since i have been single. i don't remember how to be. i suppose i shouldn't complain. it has only been two weeks. i still feel like the lowest person alive for initializing the break, but it felt inevitable. i feel bad for other things, but i guess i should just go and pray for forgiveness on sunday or something. i feel pathetic to say that, but maybe i will feel better and find some answers with my life. i feel so weak that i am crying right now. frankly, i don't even know why i am. i feel broken right now, so go easy on me.

Randomness at my coworker's house

2009-04-10T23:38:00.001-07:00

Ok so i have internet connection! yes! i'm at my coworker's house. i'm playing street fighter. it is awesome. i'm connected to the hathawayspiderhouse. anways, here is some late night randomness with my coworker. i'm starting to feel better. this beats playing solitaire all night last night.

This is my Ju-on picture

This is the face of defeat

Randomness

gross, my eyebags show

he insisted to turn on the light to mask the huge pimple on his nose. as a result i am a ghost.

goodbye everyone. happy good friday. oh well, i don't really eat meat anyways.

No internet connection

2009-04-09T15:49:00.000-07:00

My luck with free internet connection has run out when it comes to San Francisco. The free bandwith that me and my roomate found unsecured has mysteriously disappeared after spring break. I suspect the guy either found us out or he moved out. Either way, I don't have internet at my place so I can't blog or do anything online. It is a little depressing because I don't have much to do when I go home. The only times I can access the internet now are when I am at school and when I am at work. I can't blog at work, so now all I can do is check my email ever so often. I miss sitting in my room and sending people messages. I miss my stupid facebook account. I really miss blogging.

DSK, Stephanie- I recieved your package last week. The earrings are beautiful. I got a lot of compliments from girls while I was working. My mom loves the bracelet. She wears it all the time at home and she shows it off to her coworkers. I like the new mini blue boxes too. They are very cute and classy. My little sister and her friends ate all my candy, but it is okay. Most of all, thank you so much for all the care and attention to take to send me your packages. I really appreciate them all.

Hmm so update on my life. My boyfriend and I are on a break right now. I took it to take time to be single and figure out what I want to do with my life. There are times when I feel so stifled in our relationship. I feel like I am never good enough. And there are so many things about myself that I cannot change. I am graduating with my BS Nutrition in May and I am so confused on what to do with my life. I am so sad to move back to Natomas. I don't want to live in that area or in a new house. I feel bad because I am leaving my dog that passed away there too. I am leaving my life since I was 7. I feel so sad, hurt, confused and frustrtated with my life right now. I am restless to find the answer of what I am going to do when I graduate. I am depressed to leave San Francisco, probably forever. I am sad to leave my friends, that I now realize I didn't take a good enough time to get to know. I have to go now, class starts in ten minutes. I guess more blogging to come.

The Sexy Blogger Award

2009-04-04T21:52:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my sexy japanese friend eki! she awarded me with the sexy blogger award

So I suppose I have to list 5 things sexy about me.

5 things sexy about me

1. my smile. when i do smile, people seem to like it. i never had braces, so i have rabbit teeth.

2. my eyes. when i'm not tired or sleepy they look pretty good

3. my ears. my mom and sister tease me that i have elf ears because they are small, stick out a little and i have no earlobe. maybe cute/quirky sexy i guess.

4. my hair. my hair is naturally wavy and i have ceased to dye it. i think its in the best condition it has ever been, despite not buying expensive shampoo or products.

5. my umm butt. i do squats, apparently they work. in high school i was known as the asian girl with the big booty when I TA for this math class.

anyways, i will pick people for this in a little bit. more blogging to come.

My last spring break of school and antelope

2009-03-29T19:42:00.000-07:00

Spring break is drawing to a close and it is a little sad. I am moving in May from the house that I have lived in since I was 7 years old. I am not moving far, but it will be sad. We will be leaving our house and my dog (rest in peace) is being left behind. This is my last semester in college and it is the last spring break of college. I stayed home most of the time, but that is okay. I enjoyed my time with my friends and family and I was so happy to see everybody. I have to go back to SF and it is a little sad also. I only have 8 weeks until I have to say goodbye to all my friends in SF, my coworkers and my job. I don't really want to think about it now, I guess. I'll save it all for later when the time comes.

My sister and I this morning before church

My sister and her best friend Kim. It was Kim's birthday on Saturday. I did her makeup

My sister (having a great hair day) and my beautiful mom.

My mom and dad.

And finally my mom and I. She's so pretty! (haha and so is our bathroom)

I had fun on spring break. It was nice spending time with my family. Me and Minh hung out a little. It was nice seeing all my friends again. My coworker even stopped by to visit. So yea, overall I think I can call it a pretty successful spring break.

Haine's Kenpo Reunion Party

2009-03-29T19:09:00.001-07:00

I went to a blackbelt reunion party yesterday. It was so great to see so many of my classmates and some students after leaving a couple years back. I miss going to kenpo class so much, but its all different now. One of the students bought the dojo and they went into this whole MMA thing. I'm wasn't cool with that, so I left. A lot of people left too, but we all stay good friends. I have come to the decision to practice again with my sister. I am going to relearn some of my kata and techniques since I miss doing them so much.

Here is my sister and I and our friend Kari, she's a second degree.

Dave Campbell III and Pam and Kari Nishikawa

The ex, Daniel and his gf Kristen. We sat on opposite ends of the table, but we're still pretty cool. I don't think I said hi to his new gf, but then again he didn't introduce me exactly.

My two favorite students Ian and Daniel Capper. Ian (right) is a second degree blackbelt and Daniel just got his first degree. I'm so proud of them. And they are so cute! I'm like their auntie.

My student alex and his mom. He is so tall now! I used to teach his class when he was only 12 or 13.

My sister and I and some of our other classmates/teacher. Diana, second on the left was our private lesson instructor. She taught my sister and I since we were white belts.

Here is me and my student's mom. She is super nice and really cool.

Blue Nami

2009-03-28T01:47:00.000-07:00

I went out to dinner last night at Blue Nami in Roseville after driving around everywhere to find somewhere to eat. The Elephant Bar was way too full so we had to drive across town from Citrus Heights to Roseville. That's what kind of sucks about Sacramento. Everything is so spaced out and far away that you have to drive all the way across town to get to eat. I guess its okay and I should get used to it. I only have two months left to live in SF. But anyways, the restaurant is pretty nice. I mean the decorations are a little cheesy I would think, but I mean its kind of a place to eat sushi for cheaper than Mikuni's. I felt kind of overdressed, but I guess that is kind of normal around Sac. All I was wearing was a black american apparel convertible dress and people were looking at me like I was wearing a wedding gown or something. I guess I fit in with the high school kids that looked like they were going to prom. The food was alright. I only ordered a spicy tuna roll, which said half off the price. When I got it, it was half off the size too. The Spider Roll we ordered was half off the size and roll too. I guess I wasn't too hungry because I was full afterwards. That might have been from drinking all the water and eating all the appetizer though. The check total was $10. My roll was $4. Holy crap. I am a cheap date.

Restaurant Rating:
On a scale of 1-5
Ambiance: 3-4, maybe a good place to take your family that cannot pronouce the word "Sakura." Big screen tv with college basketball playing (at least let me watch the Kings game so I can watch them lose.)

Noise: 2-3, whining children and high schoolers. its called a babysitter

Food: 3-4, It was alright. About the same as the Sushi Place at School (yet surprisingly cheaper.)

Service: 5, The servers are very nice and quick. They even asked me if I was okay when the rest of my party was in the bathroom.

Price: 5, You can't beat cheap food. (Then again I could have just gone for pho and paid $3 more and been really full.)

Overall: 3.5-4

Blue nami is a nice place to eat with your family or friends. You can watch the game while you eat, so i suggest making your date face their back to the tv if you don't want to be ignored. They have a good selection, but then again taking a picky eater like me will save you a lot of money. On the menu there is some big baller bottles of wine you can order, there is one for $399. I didn't really read into it, but my eyes watered at the thought of 2 months of paychecks down the drain. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time eating here. Maybe I should have better planning though when going out to dinner though, because the times I get to go are few and far between. I got boba and played video games afterwards so its all good.

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(photo from absoluteastronomy.com)

my camera isn't charged because i seem to have misplaced the charger somewhere in sf. so i have to settle for my crappy camera phone. this pictures is horrible, but it give the idea of the dress. i couldn't get my whole body while standing so i had to sit.

and i did my makeup. i surprisingly managed to do a smoky eye.

i have better pictures on my sister's camera. she will probably let me upload them tomorrow. i'm excited for tomorrow. there is a haines kenpo reunion party and i get to see all my old students and kenpo collegues. i'll probably look a little lame coming in by myself bc the ex will be there with his gf, but oh well. it will be fun anyways. i got to go to sleep now bc i have to bake banana bread tomorrow morning for my little sister's best friend/other little sister kim.

drawings and such

2009-03-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

today i am pretty bored. i was supposed to hang out with friends, but everybody is busy. its cool though, i like being by myself. my dad is home anyways so i guess we can watch some action movies. but yea, i woke up today in a drawing mood so i did a quick 5 min. sketch of tuxedo mask from sailor moon. i was talking to a coworker about it on one of my insomnia sprees. i used to be a crazy sailor moon fan and i was of course in love with tuxedo mask. my style is a bit feminized so he sort of looks like a chick. oh well, guys that look like chicks are nice to look at. i am bad at drawing ears also. i bestow all my people with small ears because i kind of have small ears. so yea, here it is. don't bag on me, its kind of lame. i'm a lil rusty.

dedicated to my friend Vinh "Darien" Nguyen. Rest in Peace man. I miss you and the crazy shit you used to do. I know you would laugh if i told "say hi to "captain howdy for me." i'll come visit you one of these days.

and then i have another work in progress. i started this around halloween and i haven't gotten to finishing it. i suppose i will finish it over spring break. it is inspired by another blogger ricebunny and it has to do with mascara. mascara can make your eyes look like spider legs, so i took it literally and drew spider legs on an eye. i'll post the finished product when i am done, but this is what i have so far.

i still love drawing, but i find that i don't make the time anymore to do things like that anymore. believe it or not i was an art nerd in hs. i thought my art teacher was creepy so i kind of stopped senior year. i think i will go back into it. its relaxing and it makes me happy. i have been suppressing the creative side of me for quite a while now to focus on school and it makes me sad that i gave that up. i don't really care so much if everything i do is perfect anymore and i'm not being graded, so i guess its just a matter of me picking up a pencil now.

and now a crappy picture for my camera phone. sorry for the red eyes and the baggage. it is me and all my scrubby glory. the only good lighting in my house is the bathroom.

Old pic from last semester being bored in the city. It looked better on my phone. I look cross-eyed when it is blown up. but it is one of the few pictures i have with my glasses, which i don't need anymore thanks to lasik.

okay i am done now. i hope my coworkers don't read this stuff while at work. how embarrassing. but anyways, i need to go exercise and cook and stuff. maybe i shall finish the spidereyes picture by the end of the week. next week- all reality will set in

My Skincare Arsenal

2009-03-25T13:36:00.001-07:00

Skincare is one of the things that I just cannot live without. If it weren't for skincare I would have so many pimples and scars everywhere I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Its more important for me to have good skin than good makeup, so I try not to wear too much most of the time. In my candid pictures I am too lazy to photoshop so you can see my dark eye circles and redness from lack of sleep, but I think I am relatively good with skincare. I used to have a lot of pimples in high school and I tried to cover it up with more and more foundation and it just made matters worse. I had a boyfriend in early college that never saw me without foundation. It was getting ridiculous and i would go through foundation so fast. I cleared up after 19, but at 23 I started to break out again. It was like puberty all over again (aren't I the lucky one?). I saw a dermatologist and I talked to my doctors and I got different advice, but I have managed to find products that work for me. I try not to spend too much money on stuff bc i am only a college student working at a private gym for SF min. wage. So without much further ado, if it interests anyone here is what I use. I can't say it will work for everyone, but I find that glycolic acid, retinols and mild whitening agents effective for my skin type. I have combination skin that is slightly dry with slightly oily cheeks btw.

1.)Face Wash:
Aqua Glycolic Facial Cleanser:

I used to use Jan Marini, but this is much cheaper. I got it at Kaiser when I went to get my Differin. Glycolic Acid helps with exfoliation and keeps off flaky skin as well as keeps oil at bay. It works when you apply this to your face dry and massage it in, then rinse off. Don't get this shit in your eyes or you will be hurting and have horribly red eyes.

If I am in the shower and I wash my face I use Neutrogena Acne Face Wash bc my face is already wet. This wash might cause initial drying, so i don't use it too often.

*Use a lot of water to wash everything off. I actually count 30x splashing water on my face when washing. It sounds a little OC, but it is important to not have face wash left over on your face.

2.) Treatment:
Differin, gel 0.1%

This stuff took off my adult acne. It took a couple weeks though, but you have to be patient. I remember crying about how dry my face was, but after 6 weeks I was pimple free. This requires Rx, but I am pretty sure you can buy this stuff online at inhousepharmacy.com

3.) Moisture/Tone:
Vital Plus White Q10 Milky Lotion by Kose Cosmeport
I got this lotion stuff at the Nijiya Market. My friends tease me about trying to be like Micheal Jackson, but honestly I am not trying to bleach my face. I get scarring, so I lighten it with lightening products. I use this stuff an hour after differin to make sure that it all absorbed. I noticed after a long time my face was getting really dry without any moisturizer and using differin, so once my acne problem went away I started using moisturizer again. Plus Japanese people seem to have great skin, so I like to use their products.

4.) Moisture Milk White Essence by Kose
More Micheal Jackson stuff right? My sister thinks I am going to become some crazy grudge looking girl. But really, I don't believe that this stuff has the strength to make someone tan like me into casper. This is a light essence I use after the milky lotion and it keeps my face soft, so I like it.

5.)Sunscreen/Protect
Diorsnow Sublimisse UV Base: SPF 50

6.) Eye cream: Whatever doesn't leave milia spots around my eyes
I use an eye cream. The dark circles under my eyes are pretty bad and I need a good one. I haven't really found one that I love, but I still use one regardless. If I can't find one I put moisturizer under my eyes to make sure they don't get dry. I have used clinique's eyecream as well as one from oil of olay. I need to find one still that isn't horribly expensive, yet effective.

I can't emphasize enough on how important sunscreen is to prevent premature wrinkling, aging and hyperpigmentation. I never go tanning and I don't lay out in the sun. I have seen the effects of overly tanning and they scare the crap out of me. I tried this stuff thanks to Fuzkittie's review, and I love it. I am willing to invest in sunscreen that does not break me out. For the rest of my body I use Neutrogena SPF 45, but I need a different one for my face.

Anyways, that is all. Remember to eat healthy, lots of fruits and veggies, water, take a multivitamin etc. Take care of your skin because it only helps makeup look even better. I hope this post helps someone out there, but I guess this is what works for me.

My Cousin's 21st Birthday!

2009-03-24T23:22:00.000-07:00

It was my cousin's birthday party at my house on Sunday. It was pretty cool. I just got back into sac that morning so I was pretty tired. I'm still tired. I had to drive back to sf on monday because i forgot my pathophysiology book for my online midterm. yay for my cousin! she is 21 and legal!

The birthday girl

Joy and her boyfriend Rocky

Joy and Rocky's brother

My sister and I after the party. We look tired.

I hope she had fun. I will have more adventures on spring break posts later this week.

-Jaime

♥ I love Steph (DSK Jewelry/Blog) ♥

2009-03-24T21:58:00.000-07:00

I got my package from Steph earlier this week. I was so excited I would have taken pictures earlier, but I can't find the charger for my camera and my lovely sister let me borrow hers. Sorry about the low quality and camera work. I guess that is why I have other people take my pictures. The lighting friggin sucks in my room so i progressed from my room to the bathroom where my sister was getting done with the shower and asking me what the heck I was doing. haha anyways oh well, on with the pictures!

I bought this beautiful Starfish bracelet that Steph made. This is the cutest bracelet I have ever had. I am so afraid of breaking it that I act extra careful not to bump into things or hit people when I wear it.

I suck, I ended up getting the towels in the picture. Steph, I swear I will get better pictures to do justice for your jewelry.

The bracelet came in a beautiful box!

Ok, now I just have to say how loved I feel. Steph gave me a necklace in addition to my bracelet. It is so cute! I know it is aurora borealis, but it looks sunshine colored on me.

(horrible flash pics)

I probably shouldn't post these next two because i look kind of zombie-ish and my sister said i look like the girl from the grudge, but oh well.

Steph also gave me candy! I love candy! The package is so cute I can't eat it. I now attempted to camera whore the candy.

My sister is now bagging on my camera skills. I am so sorry that my pictures are blurry. I really suck at taking pictures. But I really love the jewelry that Steph made me and I am truly touched at all the special touches she made to make my order extra special. I promise to get better pictures. I love you Steph!

my sister just won her powderpuff football game! Dollaga D-Liner #11

Award from Valiohh

2009-03-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

necklace from DSK jewelry

I'm sorry I took so long to blog about this. Spring break started and I haven't been home to blog very much, but here goes...

AWARD!
courtesy of Valiohh

Thank you so much!

“This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.

“When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to the said person so everyone knows she/he is real. Choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends. Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!”

ten things about myself;
1. I am a dietetics major at SFSU, so I study nutrition, medical nutrition therapy and other aspects of nutrition care. I didn't apply for the internship this year, but at the moment I am still considering my career options.

2. I have worked at the Village Fitness Center Gym (powered by ClubOne)@ SFSU, for over a year. It is a really fun job. I get to work with cool guys and stare at buff dudes (JK!!, well kind of) Its the first place in SF that I have ever really found friends.

3. I can be horribly shy at times. There are times that I see new people and I feel like I am stuck on the spot and I have nothing to say.

4. The downfall of being shy is that people think that I am a snob. People have told me that I seem intimidating and I honestly don't know why.

5. If i am comfortable with you I am the most horrible dork/klutz/nerd. I surprise people with my video game talk, anime and weird books I am into. I don't there is anything in the office that I haven't tripped over.

6. I have a blackbelt in Five Animal Kenpo and I used to teach. Teaching Kenpo Karate was one of the best jobs of my life. If it weren't for martial arts I would not have any confidence.

7. I was so shy and such a dork in high school I often went to dances alone because nobody would ask me. At one point a guy started a rumor that I was engaged, so I went to Junior Prom alone. I didn't care. I thought I was so cool.

8. I love baking. I think after having to spend two semesters cooking in the kitchen for school I have gained a fondness for it. I have an appreciation for the chemical processes that occur during cooking as well as the exact science of creating an optimum product.

9. I love my younger sister like she is my child. She may only be 6 years younger than me, but I swear that since the day she was born I thought she was mine. Every year she looks more and more like me. I am so proud of her. She is everything that I always wanted to be in my life, but I was too afraid to try.

10. This is hard now. Its the last one and I have too much to say, but not enough at the same time. It doesn't really make much sense I guess, but maybe it does to me. hmm okay. I think my last thing about me would be my imagination. Of all the things that people lose when they get older I think imagination is the one thing that I cling to as I grow older. I fear every year that I grow older, but I think that as long as I keep my mind open and keep thinking my own crazy thoughts I can remain happy.

Ok, that is all. That was like some sort of confessional. I think I am supposed to give it to 7 people, but I am too lazy to do so. I am also a little afraid to bestow this award bc I think many bloggers may be growing a little tired of doing too many of these. So i guess, whoever reads my blog and wants to do this list they can do it too. I am very touched that people actually read my blog and the friendships that I have made with such lovely bloggers. I find myself having trouble making girl friends, but thanks to blogger I am happy to find myself within such a nice and caring blog family. Thank you everyone! I give this award to anyone who chooses to take it. Thats all people!

-Jaime

can opener

2009-03-19T14:25:00.000-07:00

meow meow meow! can't eat lunch. I can't find the can opener. i am trying to eat my canned salmon. what to do?

Last of the ItzKirb Shoot

2009-03-19T00:37:00.000-07:00

eek i have no neck! a little bit too much turtle tucking

this red chair is supposedly going to be part of kirb's new series

i believe the correct definition of this would be "pants are overrated" as pam aka ppink would say.

I am ItzGirl on ItzKirb's site now, which I take as an honor.

There are freaking gorgeous hot women on his site. Its easy to feel humbled when i look at the perfect figures and faces.

I promise I will have normal pictures of me next week when I find my camera's charger. Photoshoot pictures are so deceiving to the point that I don't even recognize myself anymore; however, I appreciate the power of photography and makeup. I guess the important thing is to not lose yourself in the photoshopped and glossy glamor. In real life, photoshoots couldn't be farther from the truth (holdup did that make sense, oh well you get it right?).

out of the closet anime addiction

2009-03-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

To add to my nerd factor i am also an avid anime fan. I swear I am not a huge, fat hairy man stealing pictures from the net and claiming them to be myself, seriously. My boyfriend and i watch them together on the weekends or he downloads seasons for me to watch when i am alone in SF. these past couple weeks it has been "Gintama" taking up my time. its a pretty random show about a former samurai doing odd jobs around a now alien ruled Edo. Anyways, i think i will study a little more and then watch an episode to reward myself before i sleep. Wish me luck for tomorrow! eek! developmental psych midterm!

-Jaime

The Sumo Wrestler Diet

2009-03-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

Okay so i have been suffering from blogging withdrawal symptoms due to my studying hiatus. After working all morning at the Veteran's Hospital volunteering for food and nutritional services I am tired of looking at healthy foods. (Note to self: do not walk in on patients while they watch tv and pull up their shirts to look at themselves.) I made brownies/cookies today for my coworkers and they ended up horribly burned and disfigured. I guess I'll have to make another trip to Trader Joe's and buy some non-disgusting cookies. Midterms are over by tomorrow morning and I was bored so i googled sumo wrestler diets. I found it fascinating, my dad does the exact same things that sumo wrestlers do. Here are the major points:

1. Skip breakfast. By depriving their bodies of food after eight hours of sleep, their metabolic rates stay low.

2. Exercise on an empty stomach. If their bodies have
no food, their metabolic thermostats are turned down even lower to conserve fuel.

3. Take a nap after eating. The Sumo secret for gaining weight is that, after eating, they sleep for at least four hours.

4. Eat late in the day. Going to bed with full stomachs means that their bodies must respond to the huge flood of nutrients with a rush of insulin, forcing their bodies to store some of it in the cells as fat instead of in the muscles and organs as nutrients.

5. Always eat with others in a social atmosphere. According to leading researchers, a meal eaten with others can be at least 44 percent larger and with 30 percent more calories and fat.

(from: http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2005/03/21/sumo_wrestlers_this_is_how_you_get_fat.php)

(i have a picture of my sister and I and sumo wrestlers we met in hawaii, but i have to get it up when i get back to sac on saturday.)

Sumo wrestlers are awesome to be able to attain that level of mass, yet be able to move to quickly and nimbly. Though, I suppose not many girls would aspire to have the same body composition. Thus, it is important not to starve oneself due to the strain in metabolism. Over a long period of time the body just becomes more efficient to run on less calories, resulting in weight gain after periods of starvation.

Being a nutrition major, I tend to get questions on weight loss and diets etc. The main thing is eat healthy and exercise and be happy with your life. Even I get tired with all the numbers and standards I have to memorize. I can't say I'm perfect. I'm insecure as the rest of them, but I know my faults and try to work on them. I cheat on what I eat and I know that I do. I get annoyed that my boyfriend tells me that my fat free popcorn is making me fat and that certain dresses will look bad because I am too wide but then I tell him to fuck off. Oh well, enough ranting about food, nutrition blah blah blah. I am scatterbrained at the moment, so I will be lucky if my blog even represents some form of cohesive thought. It will be over after 9:30 this morning. Then I can relax and have Spring Break. After I have to teach young high school girls about nutrition on Saturday.

Morning Sunshine

2009-03-06T09:49:00.000-08:00

Oh how scary, I took a picture this morning right when i woke up. This is me without the glitz and glamour of photoshoots and makeup. I couldn't really sleep last night. I stayed up until three because I was afraid of all the nightmare I would get from having to watch birthing videos in class all week. I wonder what the chances are of having to watch live births on video in two different classes. I suppose I shouldn't be to surprised I'm taking developmental psych and nutrition in the life cycle. But anyways, if teen pregnancy should be avoided we should make teens watch live births all through health class. If that doesn't scare them, it would at least gross them out. I sound horrible. I'm sure the parents would get upset. Anyways when I finally did fall asleep I dreamt about being a space rogue in outer space. I had a hot boyfriend and we were rebelling against the huge space confederation. We set their base and car on fire. My boyfriend got caught behind enemy lines and he tried to stall the enemy while the car and front door of the base burned. I kind of woke up after the explanation, but it was kind of a weird dream. Anyways, I hope everybody has a wonderful day. I hope my work meeting isn't too bad and we won't get lectured too hard about getting sales at the gym. Much love to my blog family and everyone for their comments and compliments on my blog.

and when i figure out how video and sound work together on my laptop i'll make a video with sound. just trying to figure things out at the moment. sorry for the dorky faces.

More from the ItzKirb shoot!

2009-03-05T19:36:00.000-08:00

The images turned out great so far. I am pretty happy with them. This shoot was probably the one involving the most body posing I have done. I am more comfortable with closeups/beauty shots, but it was a nice change of pace. I got a free video game for the shoot, which I am excited to play. Too bad my bf's xbox 360 suffers from the red ring of death disease (green light that is supposed to shine is showing red= bad and not working). Kirby, my photographer, was really nice. He used to work at SEGA, hence the copies of games and he had lots of Kirby and other Nintendo character dolls at his house. The makeup artist was quite talented and she said that i have large eyelids? I am not sure if that is a compliment, but i suppose it means i have a lot of room for eyeshadow (which is not a bad thing for me). My coworkers teased me about them, but they like them (i work at a gym with mostly guys working there). Anyways, here are my shots so far. I will update as more turn up.

Soul Calibur IV! I am actually quite the video game nerd. I love Final Fantasy. I have been playing all weekend. This game looks promising. I find the large yoda on top quite amusing.

I love this in black and white. My bf laughed and said it looks like what i do when i do a pouty face and turn my head away in scorn. my other friend said it looked like a sexy ad for underarm hair removal products. haha!

Here is the makeup shot with the hair down. I kind of prefer with the hair up because it showcases the dramatic makeup more.

The photographer liked this shot due to the dramatic lighting showing only half of my face. (my lips look dry from the longwear lipgloss ick, not using that again)

Here is a closeup shot of me in the red lingerie and i was wearing a man's shirt over. My bf said i looked "pornstar" but i thought i at least looked pretty. i liked the lashes in this set. as for the cleavage, turn away if it offends you. i am actually quite surprised on the "objects appear larger than they seem" view.

this shot i had my corset that i tied so tight until i couldn't breath. it is so difficult to move in those things. but how small they make your waist is incredible.

*more to come (hopefully)

Today's Shoot

2009-03-04T16:42:00.000-08:00

I had my shoot with Kirby today. Luckily there was a MUA on site bc I had to be there quite early. Sadly I couldn't do the cool hyori eye makeup that fuzkittie posted like I had planned :(. Anyways, here are some of the shots. There are more to still be edited, but here is what I have so far.

Photography: ItzKirb : Kirby
MUA: Tessa

I haven't really ever shot in lingerie before (there probably is a reason why), but I think this one turned out pretty good considering i'm not always comfortable in my own skin.

Here is where the MUA went quite crazy and went all out with the eyeshadow. It is quite pretty, but I look nothing like myself

Purikura Madness ♥

2009-02-28T21:22:00.000-08:00

My sister came to visit me because I had to work this weekend. I took her to Japantown afterwards and we took pictures in the picturebooth store. It was super asian and colorful in there. My dorkiness could not be supressed and I couldn't resist throwing out peace sign after peace sign. They even let you draw on the pictures after you take them, hence the schizophrenic stars and hearts everywhere. Feel the super Kawaii!

First Booth:

Second Booth:

Shoot this upcoming wednesday (probably)

2009-02-25T17:34:00.000-08:00

I am probably having a shoot this upcoming Wednesday. I haven't done a shoot in a year. I hope i do okay. I have to think of outfits and clothes and makeup. I did my makeup for some of my shoots, but the best ones IMO were the ones that I had a makeup artist do it (well of course). Anyways, if anybody has any ideas on makeup/hair/outfits etc. Please let me know.

Random Rant- some people are freakin gross!

2009-02-25T11:51:00.000-08:00

okay this is just random, but i just notice this whenever i walk down the street to the bus or to my car there are always used condoms on the ground. its always near these same houses on either side of the street. ugh. its like wtf? why can't you people just throw it in the garbage or wrap it up and flush it down the toilet. i felt sick because it looked freshly used and covered in lube and crap. i'm sorry for the graphic detail, but shit! people throw away your condoms in the garbage when done. not in the street where normal people have to look at the ground and want to vomit on it. used condoms and vomit in the street... great, san francisco, oh how i love thee.

Can't sleep

2009-02-25T00:47:00.000-08:00

I want to play FFX more at Minh's (the bf) house. I've finished the game before, but I just want to play again and forget about school and volunteer work and regular work. oh well.

here's lulu my favorite character in the game

goodnight

Photoshoots

2009-02-24T22:13:00.001-08:00

penguins

2009-02-23T21:31:00.001-08:00

oh yea and i love penguins.

My New Blog!

2009-02-23T20:05:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Jaime and I am starting my own blog. I am not really sure what I am going to blog about exactly, but I always wanted my own place to publish myself and express myself. It is probably a bit of a timekiller to procrastinate from studying, but it is actually quite relaxing to type my feelings. Let's see... hmmm more about me. Well, I am a student at SFSU majoring in dietetics. I graduate in May and hopefully I can get into an accelerated nursing program after. I live most of my weekdays in San Francisco and the rest of my life is in Sacramento. It may sound strange to live in both cities, but school and work are in the city for me and my friends, family, and boyfriend are all in Sacramento. I work at a gym, which is a nice place to be and all the people there I consider my friends.

Hmm my hobbies include video games, watching anime, working out at the gym, and baking and cooking. I did modeling as a hobby for a little while and I am kind of on and off the whole thing to concentrate on school. Come to think of it, I really miss doing photoshoots, but I don't have the money to do shoots TFPD and have outfits, makeup and hair ready for all of them. At the moment I lack the body confidence or confidence in general to really go back. Oh well, nothing a little exercise and eating right can't fix.

So here I go rambling on and on about my life. I should probably let it unfold more naturally as my blog goes on, but I am so excited to write. I just got back from the gym and I need to shower so I guess that is all for now.

Me!

2009-02-22T10:01:00.001-08:00